Get up, show up!

August 27, 2014

As the weather cools off here in Bemidji, we’re getting ready for fall!  We’ve got an incredibly short waiting list right now, and we’ve seen a lot of change over in families.  Good things are happening around here.  All good things… 

Right now, I can hear the hushed low voices in the office next to me.  Amanda is having a case management meeting with a client here.  Setting goals.  Taking steps.  Slowly, but surely making a way in the middle of what seems an impossible task: jobs blah blah, housing blah blah blah.  Gaining independence.  

This is what we do.  This is what we believe in.  Setting goals.  Taking action.  

…And it’s happening.  Right.  Now.  But then again, that’s kind of a thing around here.  It’s kind of…what we do.  

I wish I had something profound to tell you today.  I don’t.  Something to inspire.  I can’t.  Something to get us all a little more excited about life.  I don’t know how.  The truth is, I’d rather be napping.  Life is catching up with me.  My eyes are tired.  My back is sore.  My to do list is longer than the length of me.  

I’d love to tell you that hope comes easily.  I’d love to tell you that it never fades.  Never wavers.  Never changes.  Never disappoints.  But sometimes it does.  Sometimes we lose hope.  Sometimes we get tossed around and beat up.  Sometimes things change so fast, and we aren’t sure if we’re ever going to catch up.  

Are we?  

We wish things were different.  We wish we never felt like this.  Don’t we?  But the truth is, sometimes it’s a struggle to get out of bed in the morning.  Forget about doing laundry.  Washing dishes.  Paying bills.  We were down and out before we ever got up and running.  

How are we supposed to keep up with all that?  

Sometimes life is so… demanding… right?

Rich.  Or poor.

Full table.  Or empty belly.  

Homeless.  Or…not.  

Sometimes life expects too much.  Pushes too far.  Requires more than we can give.  

But the truth is, we have to try.  Since when do we get to just… give up?  I mean, I suppose that’s an option.  But not really.  Not if we’re ever going to make it out alive.  

Each one of those goals is a fear to be faced.  Around here it all goes something a little bit like this: 

  • Call on housing (Knowing that I may not have the means to pay for it, and I will probably get turned down.  Again.)
  • Apply for jobs (Because I’m not qualified, and I got fired from my last job, and I don’t really have much to go on…)

I know a guy who says you’ve got to show up to your own life.  Believe me when I tell you, that I don’t quite have all that figured out yet.  I still sleep waaaay to late most mornings.  

I lay in bed, and complain to myself, or to God, or to the ceiling.  “I don’t want to get up.  NO way.  I’m not doing it.  Too much to do today, and not enough in me to do it.”  Because even my own little life (it’s little, I know) is all just a little too much sometimes.  Even my little problems (as little as they are) seem really, very overwhelming sometimes.  

I get up, and groan, and grumble, and complain some more.  And after all that, I make a pot of coffee.  And after I’ve consumed every drop, the world seems a little brighter.  And I struggle.  And I strain.  And I find some way to make it through.  Just like the rest of us, I suppose.  And I think we all feel that.  At least a little.  Sometimes.  Don’t we?  

But the truth is, we have to grab a mug, and show up.  We just have to.  There’s no other way.  

Sometimes we lose hope.  But we’ll never get it back if we don’t even show up.  

And hope grows.  And life will beat us up a bit.  It will demand more than we have. It will require more than we can give.  And hope will grow.  Hope will heal.  

…we just have to find a way to show up.